Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
