elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
