I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My feet surprised me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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