I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
