i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
