I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
