I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
