cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
