You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
