It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
