just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
