Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
