the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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