Need sex. Gaining weight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
