and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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