umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
