No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
