I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
