filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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