nut hugger
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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