apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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