I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
