Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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