I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
