I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
