my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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