Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
