just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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