now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
