I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
