is your mom at the bar?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
