I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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