you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
