We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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