Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
