i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
