ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
