my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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