then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
