Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
