She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
