from now on my penis is your penis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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