Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
