Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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