if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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