Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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