Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
