it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
