im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
