so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can tuck mytits in my pants
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
